Paging the Almighty From a Great Height

THERE I WAS snoring away the other morning when The Missus decided to jar me awake.
No, it wasn't another urgent message about Britney being rushed away in an ambulance to receive psychiatric help. Nor was it about the reason Tom Brady delivered an armful of flowers to his galfriend prior to Sunday's Super Bowl XLII outside of Phoenix. If it had been that I would have been asking man's oldest question: "What in the world did Tom do? He must have really messed up!"
Now, to the ladies, bouquets of flowers, whether daffodils or red roses, mean sweetness and light, but every red-blooded man knows such a delivery means he just broke all the partnership rules. At least it did in my younger days when such a "commitment" might have earned a semi-pardon, for, maybe, 24 hours.
No, The Missus was informing me of an Air Canada flight, which was forced to land at Shannon. That's in Ireland, for those of you without a map.
Alright, don't be so insensitive, Corbett, I can hear someone in the back row bleating right now, and they're probably right.
But when the co-pilot of an elephant-sized plane flying from Toronto to London's Heathrow decided to have a nervous breakdown, as the wire services reported, then I would have been headed for the nearest exit with a parachute in tow.
There must have been stark terror for some passengers aboard that flight when the co-pilot was subdued and then "escorted off the plane with his wrists and ankles in shackles."
After being informed of this incident by The Better Half, I spent an hour or two tracking down wire service reports.
Reporter David Sharrock of the Irish Independent filled in the details concerning the co-pilot's plight and how he began "asking for God," at some 30,000 feet over the Atlantic.
It seems the pilot was forced to handle the plane as some colleagues and even an off-duty Canadian armed forces type held the man in check and then removed him to a Shannon hospital.
One passenger told the CBC, this man was swearing and calling for God.
Sharrock then concluded his story that it wasn't the first incident. In 1999 an EgyptAir co-pilot, flying out of New York, also starting "calling out." However, on that flight, some 217 people perished.
Fortunately, over Ireland, the Air Canada flight landed safely.
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TAKE TWO: Perhaps, there's an explanation, but can anyone tell me the reason a NHL goalie, who must being earning a zillion dollars a season, would miss practising with his club? Not once, but a couple of times.
The wayward star, Ray Emery of the Ottawa Senators, said he couldn't find his way to the right rink the other day.
Emery, who claims he's working on some "different things," definitely needs an attitude adjustment. What he probably will get is a trade to somewhere in the Far North (as in NWT) and a map to the local rink.
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TAKE THREE (From Joshua Piven and David Borgenicht's The Worst-Case Scenario Handbook): How to foil a UFO abduction. 1. Do not panic. The extraterrestrial biological entity (EBE) may sense your fear and act rashly; 2. Control your thoughts. Do not think anything violent or upsetting -- the EBE may have the ability to read your mind; 3. Resist verbally; 4. Resist mentally; 5. Resist physically. My advice: Go for the eyes, if it has any.
And here's one for winter: How to unstick (or is that unstuck?) your tongue. If your tongue is stuck to a cold pole, place your glove hands on the pole closest to your tongue. Hold them there for several minutes. As the pole warms, the frozen area around the tongue should begin to thaw. Gently pull your tongue away from the pole. My advice: Very gently. Incidentally, I ran this advice in 2006 ... did you listen?
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AND ONE LAST WORD (From the late and filthy rich J. Paul Getty): "Rise early. Work late. Strike oil."